In my old life, I had my Nikon strap around my neck everywhere we went. If the kids were playing in the backyard, I'd be snapping pictures. If we went for a family walk, I'd be following behind everyone photographing all the candid moments.
The very last thing I saw through my lens before Garrett drowned, was him standing at the picnic table eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich; the last food I ever made for him.
After that, it was a long time before I looked through that lens again. It hurt far too much to do it, and it felt like I was looking at his ghost every time I did. The joy I once felt at documenting our family, was gone.
This weekend we went to Idaho to celebrate the 4th of July. I decided to spend time getting to know my Nikon D5000 again. It felt kind of good to stand on the sidelines and take pictures of the life happening in front of me. I smiled a little as I watched the kids having a great time with their cousins. I will never see life through the same lens again. That life is gone. But hopefully and maybe, there is still a lens worth looking through.