"I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life;
to put to rout all that was not life and not when I had come to die, discover that I had not lived." ~Henry David Thoreau

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

A Re-Cap On 2008

It's hard to believe that the year has come and gone. What they say is true- the days drag and the years fly. Here is a list of highlights of each month of 2008.

Mom cut her hair off very short. Ethan started Sunbeams. Hailey turned 2 years old. Our beloved prophet, Gordan B. Hinckley passed away and Thomas S. Monson became the new prophet. Hailey graduated from a crib to a big girl bed.

Ethan turned four years old and had a Lightening McQueen party. The snow never seemed to stop.

Ethan began writing words on his own. Grandma and Papa came for a visit. Hailey smeared Desitin all in her hair and it took weeks to get it out. Easter was very cold but fun.

We sustained a new prophet and apostles in Conference. Aunt Leighann got her mission call to Tacoma Washington. Hailey took a nose dive down the stairs on her ride-on bus. We made our first real attempts at feeding Lauren baby food. Ethan started swim lessons. Granana and the Gov came to visit and pack up Aunt Leighann. Lauren started taking baths with the big kids.

We had our first (of many) days of backyard water play! Ethan graduated from his first year of preschool. Mom turned 28 years old. Lauren started sitting up. We planted flowers in the front yard and put curbing around the trees. Hailey began "piano lessons".

Mom and kids drove to Idaho and spent a week while dad was gone on business. Mom got her eliptical. We painted our bean pots. We had a fun singles ward reunion at the Hymas house. Mom flew to Texas with Lauren to attend the temple with Aunt Leighann for her endowments. Dad had a fun weekend with Ethan and Hailey.

We had a fun 4th of July in Idaho. Ethan got to stay three extra days at Grandma and Papa's house without Mom and Dad. Hailey made her first attempt at potty training. Lauren got strep throat. Granana and Gov came up and we all saw Aunt Leighann off at the MTC. We had a super fun backyard "kid" water party with our neighborhood friends. Amanda, Canyon and Dane stayed at our house for a few days.

Mom and Dad celebrated six years of marriage. Mom and the kids flew to Texas to visit. We went to NASA and the beach, Schlitterbahn, and a Rangers game. Dad joined us later in the month and we got to be a part of Lilly's baptism.

We went to Idaho for Labor Day weekend. The county fair was so fun and we stayed way too late. Ethan started his second year of preschool. Lauren turned one year old and weaned from nursing. Mom was very sad about that. Lauren also got her own room. Aunt Kara took the kids to a cupcake bakery. We went to the circus and we can't wait to go again next year.

We went to Antelope Island with Grandma and Papa during their visit. Daddy turned thirty five years old. It snowed for the first time this season. We visited the Clark Planetarium with friends. We went to the pumkin patch with the preschool. Ethan saved Lauren from falling down the deck stairs. We found out another baby brother or sister was on the way! Halloween was awesome- Ethan was Darth Vader, Hailey was Yoda, and Lauren was Princess Leia. Lynnae took our annual family pictures.

Mommy miscarried and we lost our precious baby. Mom and Ethan did a good job in the Primary program. We drove to Texas for Thanksgiving.

Lots of Christmas activities, lots of candy, lots of treats, lots of Christmas movies, lots of Christmas music, lots of fun. We spent Christmas Eve and day at home with just our family. The Pitts came over on Christmas Eve and we had a yummy dinner and read the Christmas story. Then Santa came and brought us some fun things. On the 26th we drove to Idaho for the weekend to wrap up the holiday.

Overall this was a good year for our family. We have had our ups and downs, lots of tears and lots of laughter, but it's been good. As we look back over the months we see how blessed we are and how the Lord has His hand in every aspect of our lives. We are grateful to be guided by Him and to feel His love on a daily basis. We pray that 2009 is just as good to us.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The Greatest Loss

The greatest loss I feel is never knowing him. In a matter of seconds, every bit of his DNA make up was in place. He would have been a living and breathing person with fingernails, skin, a personality, hair color, aptitude for music, a birth mark, pet peeves, sensitivity to fabric softener, flat feet like his daddy, and aversion to beets just like his mommy...or who knows what. His physical life was set in place. All he needed from there on out was an incubator and a few short months to bloom. It was all there. And then something went wrong and what had been was changed to what could have been. I want to know that person. And I suppose the greatest loss I feel is losing that chance.

Build A Bear Workshop

Granana treated the grandkids to a morning at Build A Bear. This was a first for us and a pretty cool experience. Ethan made a dinosaur dressed like Spiderman, and he named him...Spiderman. Hailey made an elephant dressed like Tinkerbell, and named her...Tinkerbell. Such orginiality from those two! Then Lauren made a cat and we dressed her like a fairy princess. Her name is Poo-da-poo da cat. Inside joke kind of thing with her name. It was fun (and very pricey...yikes)! Thanks a lot, Granana, for the treat!

And The Angels Sang...

I fixed it!!!!!!!! I have been tinkering on this dumb computer all day and I fixed the problem with the browser! Well that is not true. I went in the back door through another browser, and turned out I like that browser even better so I'm keeping it! I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. It's the ever so small victories in life that make me feel great. Maybe tonight I can get on here and start on a massive six week update!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Lauren 15 months

Okay I can't stand it any longer. Even though my browser has all but gone kaput, I'm still going to give the blog another try. Today it is working a little, even though it is being very finicky and isn't giving me the options I want. But I suppose this is better than nothing.




I realized I haven't done a re-cap on all that Lauren has been up to. She will be 15 months this weekend and she is really diving more into toddlerhood.

-She took her first steps a week or so after her birthday, but I've been terrible about documenting things lately. Now she is walking and often times running everywhere.

-She doesn't say Mommy or even Mama. She calls me "Mom" just like her siblings do. She is a chatter box and talks non-stop, although we never know wheat she is saying because it's in her own language.

-She LOVES to talk on the phone and whenever anyone has a phone, she throws a fit until she can hold it.

-She likes to climb into anything she can fit into.

-She loves all things cuddly and squishable, especially baby dolls. She will probably get a new one for Christmas.

-She keeps us laughing all the time and knows she can cute her way out of anything. Her brother and sister think she hung the moon...and she knows they think that!!

-Bossy is her middle name. Everyone does anything she demands.

-This white girl has rhythm. All she has to hear are a couple beats of a song and she starts bopping her head. She can recognize rhythm anywhere.

-She is still so small and dainty and people always think she is younger than she is, until they see her walking around. She will likely love being so petite when she gets older!

Time is flying by and she's going to be in nursery before long :( I wish I could put a brick on her head and keep her little!

Monday, December 15, 2008

Technical Difficulties

Sorry for the lack of posts lately. For some reason, my server has been down. I'm going to call my sister-in-law who does I.T. and see if she can help me get it up and running again. I will have a ton of catching up to do by then!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

These Are The Days

There is so much to do. So much to do around every corner, and even more so, there is something lurking around every corner to make me feel guilty. This morning it was the dirty bathroom that is in desperate need of a good scrubbing. Last night it was the precious 45 minutes that Cody and I were in the same house together (he has had to work really late in the last few weeks). But during that time, all I wanted to do was be alone.

For 24 hours a day there is someone needing something from me. There is never enough of me to go around and last night I just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. So I did. That's how Cody and I spent our time together late last night after he finally got home. He let me cry on his shoulder and it was a good release for me.

For days I've been trying to find time to catch up my blog, which doubly serves as my journal. But of course, there has been no time for that. The days are short and there aren't enough hours in them. At the end of the day I sit back and look at what I've accomplished and all I have to show for it are clean kids sleeping in their beds and a disaster of a house, beckoning me to clean it. But when that time FINALLY comes each night, all I muster the energy for is to clean the kitchen, sometimes sweep the floor, and collapse on the couch, sometimes in tears.

Yesterday I took a warm wet rag and went along my microfiber couches trying to clean off the remains of what could only be sticky candy marks. Ever since October candy coated finger prints adorn every surface of this house. So as I went along and meticulously scrubbed each candy mark off, I looked behind me to see Lauren with a half eaten candy cane hanging out of her mouth and her bright pink wet hands wiping right along my freshly cleaned places. I could have screamed. This seems to be the story of my life.

So finally at 10:45 last night when Cody was home, I sobbed as I chipped dried, crusty, leftover frosting off the table from the gibgerbread house we made a few nights ago. It's something I've been trying to get to for days. I needed a chisel to get it all off. As I relayed to Cody the hardships of the day (it was just one of those days in every sense of the word) he laughed and told me that the messes will be there tomorrow, but our sweet babies won't always be there. He said to cherish the finger prints and damaged furniture. He then reminded me of a story that Erma Bombeck wrote. It's actually a story that I read to him a while back, and it's funny that HE had to remind me of it.

One of these days you'll explode and shout to the kids, "Why don't you grow up and act your age?"
......and they will.


"You guys get outside and find yourselves something to do. And don't slam the door!"
......and they don't.

You'll straighten up the boys' bedroom neat and tidy -- bumper stickers discarded, bedspread tucked and smooth, toys displayed on the shelves. Hangers in the closet. Animals caged. And you'll say out loud, "Now I want it to stay this way.''
.......and it will.

You'll prepare a perfect dinner with a salad that hasn't been picked to death and a cake with no finger traces in the icing, and you'll say, "Now, there's a meal for company.''
.....and you'll eat it alone.

You'll say: "I want complete privacy on the phone. No dancing around. No demolition crews. Silence! Do your hear?''
.....and you'll have it.

No more plastic tablecloths stained with spaghetti.

No more bedspreads to protect the sofa from damp bottoms.

No more gates to stumble over at the top of the basement steps.

No more clothespins under the sofa.

No more playpens to arrange a room around.

No more anxious nights under a vaporizer tent.

No more sand on the sheets.

No more iron-on-patches, wet, knotted shoestrings, tight boots, or rubber bands for ponytails.

Imagine. A lipstick with a point on it.

No baby sitter for New Year's Eve.

Washing only once a week.

Seeing a steak that isn't ground.

Having your teeth cleaned without a baby on your lap.

No PTA meetings.

No car pools.

No blaring radios.

No one washing her hair at 11 o'clock at night.

Having your own roll of Scotch tape.

No more dandelion bouquets.

Think about it. No more Christmas presents out of toothpicks and library paste.

No more sloppy oatmeal kisses.

No more tooth fairy.

No giggles in the dark.

No knees to heal, no responsibility.

Only a voice crying, "Why don't you grow up?'' and the silence echoing,
"I did."

So I went and dug out the book containing this story and as I read it, all I could think of is that one day this house will be silent and I'll long for the days when I had a toddler following me around undoing all of the cleaning I'd just done. These days are going so quickly and before long, I'll have the clean house that I long for. So for now, I'm going to appreciate the messes because all it means is that a family lives here. We play, we laugh, we cry, we fight, and chaos is a constant in this home...but so is love.

Never before and never since, I promise
will the whole world be warm as this
and as you feel it, you'll know it's true
that you are blessed and lucky
it's true, that you are touched by something
that will grow and bloom in you

these are days you'll remember

when May is rushing over you with desire
to be part of the miracles you see in every hour
you'll know it's true, that you are blessed and lucky
it's true, that you are touched by something
that will grow and bloom in you

these are the days
that you might fill with laughter
until you break

-Natalie Merchant

Friday, December 5, 2008

Dinner With Jen and Tony

Some friends of ours, who used to live right around the corner from us, moved about 45 minutes away from my parents. We got to see them on Monday (11-24) and it was a lot of fun. I am in loooooove with their new house and neighborhood. It doesn't seem fair what houses go for down there compared to here. They sold their house here and bought a HUGE and gorgeous house in Texas. I was drooling as they gave us the grand tour.

We then went to dinner at a nice Mexican restaurant in a very ritzy part of the Metroplex. Lots of BMWs and other luxury cars were everywhere. We had a great time eating great food and visiting with great friends. Thanks for a fun night, Jen and Tony!

Monday, December 1, 2008

Should Have Been...

I just called to cancel my doctor appointment for Wednesday. It dawned on me last night as we were driving into town that I never cancelled it. We should have been able to hear the heart beat that day. Three weeks ago today I sat there in a dark and cold room and starred at the ultrasound screen in disbelief. It's only been three weeks, but it feels like three years.

Last night as Cody and I were talking in the car (kids were actually asleep for a few moments) and we were in and out of thought of the future. I mentioned how I'd like to return to school one day and study something new. I also mentioned how fortunate I am that I started having children at 23 years old, because I'd be so young when I return to school and would have many options. Then the words escaped my lips "And I'm only going to be 29 when this baby is born..."

Cody immediately put his hand on my shoulder to comfort me as I realized what I'd said. Sometimes I catch myself believing that we never lost the baby. There was a mistake and the baby is still there. And then reality hits me and my heart breaks all over again. Most of the time I think I'm doing okay. And then I remember that I'm not and it hurts like a knife through the heart.