Me & Angus McGee

Angus' birthday is always a bittersweet event for me.  He was born only three weeks after Garrett died, and we got him when he was two months old to the day.  So each year when he ages, it's a reminder of exactly how long it's been since we lost our son (not that I'm not keeping a mental tally anyway.  Not that everything related to time is not processed in terms of when Garrett died.)

This year was his big number FOUR.  I don't have words to explain my love for this dog who is so much more than that.  He's filled a void in me, and not Garrett's void, but he's filled a void of his own; a place in my heart I didn't realize needed filling until he came into my life.  I grew up with dogs and so did Cody, but having so many little kids, adding a dog to the mix always seemed like one more thing that had to be cleaned, had to be fed, had to poop, and had to go to the doctor.  So we always said we'd get a dog when the kids were older.  Well, life changed that for us, and Angus joined our family a lot sooner than we planned.

In the beginning, I greatly resented him.  I was in the middle of potty training Garrett when he died, and here I had this new "toddler" that I was potty training at present and all I wanted was to have my little boy back!!  I'd trade that stupid puppy in for even one more second of time with my son.  Every time he peed on the rug, I wanted desperately for it to be Garrett peeing.  Every time he came to me for a snuggle, I wanted it to be Garrett.  He was such a blatant reminder that I no longer had a toddler.  But over time, Angus became...Angus.  He was just himself and when I finally allowed him in, he began to comfort me in a way that only a dog can.  And eventually, I was reminded of the absolute JOY that a dog can bring into a life.

I've always thought Angus was more human than canine, but that's not really giving him enough credit, because humans are not nearly as in tune as he.  He has this uncanny ability to know which one of us needs him, and he has a fantastic way of succoring each of us when we need it most.  If Ethan's been having a rough week, Angus only wants to sleep on HIS bed.  If I've been struggling more than usual, it's my feet that become his home at night.  No dog has ever been as loyal and affectionate and unconditionally loving as this dog of ours, and I try my best not to think about the day when he too will cross over that Rainbow Bridge.  So for now, we celebrate him every chance we get.

Last Sunday on his birthday, we took him on a hike through an incredible off leash place we discovered recently.  Angus had a fabulous time sniffing a thousand other dog genitals, which I'm certain was all he could have hoped for on his special day.  Later, Hailey and Lauren made him a special doggie treat that he devoured in about ten seconds. Angus McGee, we love you and are so indebted to you for all the love you give us each day!