"I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life;
to put to rout all that was not life and not when I had come to die, discover that I had not lived." ~Henry David Thoreau

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

The Work Is Done

I really don't know how to start this journal. I don't know how, at 1:24 in the morning, to take hold of these thoughts and feelings and give them structure. SO much has taken place within me in the last year since he died. I've ridden one of the most intense roller coasters ever invented. My thoughts and feelings on the matter have changed and morphed often times on a minute to minute basis.

But after last night, perhaps I am closer to picking an emotion and staying there for a little while.

Jospeh died on July 1st of last year. The one year anniversary came and went and I didn't pay it much heed, mainly because my tonsillectomy had taken place only three days before and I was wigged out of my mind because of the effects of percocet and dehydration. The 10th, however, the anniversary of the funeral, was a different story. In a way I wish I had still been wigged out of my mind. That day was hard. I cried a lot. The memory of his burial brought raw feelings to the surface. I could hear the sounds, smells the scents in the air, taste the tears on my face. Lots of tears were shed a year before on that very day.

But the beautiful thing about this past year is that Joseph, I believe in the deepest reaches of my heart, has had the opportunity for much learning and growth. Growth that none of us can fathom in this mortal state. What he has likely experienced and seen...it leaves me speechless. And I believe that he is on an exalted place that I hope to be one day be on.

Last night was awesome. We gathered at the Dallas Temple as Dad did his work. Work that Joseph has been waiting so long for. He, through proxy, received the higher priesthood. As I sat in the chapel before the session, I thought of the washing and anointing that had taken place on his behalf only moments before. Joseph had the priesthood. Joseph had the priesthood! I sat there and smiled through tears as I took it in. And it truly felt as though he was sitting there with us.

What made the session even more special is Cody and I were asked to be the witness couple. We had not been given that chance in more than five years. I listened closer than I had ever listened in a session. I caught subtle details that I had never caught before. And when we all gathered in the Celestial Room at the end of the session, I don't know if I can ever explain that feeling. We all agreed that we felt nothing but peace. It was the kind of peace that you feel at the end of an exhausting day when you sink your body into a warm tub of soapy water. You breathe in the aroma of the bath oil and let the water gently fall over every inch of your tired skin. Every care and every trial seems to escape you. That is what it felt like as we sat in that beautiful room. Joseph was fine and he was happy and ready for the work that had been done in his name.

Even though it was 9:30 when we got out of the Temple, and even though we had seven small children in tow (we wanted EVERYONE to be there that night, even if they could not go inside that part of the temple. We needed to be together.) we continued the celebration at Chilis. We laughed, we ate, we took a ton of pictures...we wanted to remember that night and what it meant for our family. Joseph was there with us. He laughed with us. And I know, that he is always cheering for us. I am reminded of something that was said to me in a blessing I received only days after his passing. It said that Joseph would serve as a cheerleader for our family until we were all reunited again as a whole unit. And I know that he is doing just that.

It was a night that I hope to never forget. I love you Bofie. I miss you like crazy but I know you have a lot of work to do. You are one step closer to becoming who you were meant to become. I am also cheering YOU on from this side of the veil. My heart is full.


Living My Dream said...

I have felt those same feelings before and all I can do is smile for you!!! :-) So happy you had this experience!

Bel said...

So happy for you and your family, what a beautiful experience :)

bethany said...

Wow. What a marvelous experience to share with your whole family. Thank you for sharing Veronica.

Ute Family said...

I'm so happy for you guys. What an incredible experience to live that moment in the temple! So glad your family was all together!
Welcome Home!

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