I've had to pinch myself a couple of times today to make sure I'm not dreaming. At the moment, life feels good and somewhat tranquil. I've reflected a lot on what took place in our lives six short months ago. How things can change in a matter of months!
I've had a couple of dear friends lose pregnancies recently. I've watched how it has hurt them. It seems like only yesterday that I was in their shoes, but then again it seems like a lifetime ago. I remember those first several days after it happened and how all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry. And I did. It was a terrible time and I hope to never experience it again. For several nights I had vivid dreams about a baby boy. I could see every outline of his body, every wrinkle, ever strand of hair. I could smell his newborn scent. And then I'd wake up and hurt all over again.
I cried at least once a day for a month. Then in February when I found out I was pregnant again, I did everything I could not to get attached. I had a lot of cramping and I was certain that I was miscarrying again. It took me several weeks to let myself feel anything for the baby. I think once you're hurt you somehow distance yourself. Even after having three ultrasounds that confirmed things were progressing well, I couldn't bring myself to get too excited.
Then yesterday as I was lying on the u/s bed and we first realized the baby was a boy, I could have split in two from the happiness I felt. I don't know if I breathed during the whole procedure. I was terrified of the sonographer finding a problem. But item by item, she went down the checklist and everything shouted of a perfect baby.
I think that the painful dreams I had for so many nights about that baby boy were in fact the spirit's way of comforting me. At the time it seemed cruel, but I now know that the veil was thin and someone was trying to tell me "It's okay, everything is going to be fine..." Yesterday I had a full realization of it.
I know that in our times of heart ache that the Lord is with us. He knows our sorrows and He does what he can to comfort us. He lets us feel His spirit. And if we're patient, we'll eventually see that all things will be made right. I've seen this numerous times in my life and I need to remember it. My heart is full. Last night as I prayed I thanked the Lord profusely for allowing our family such a wonderful day. A lot can change for the better in six months.
I've had a couple of dear friends lose pregnancies recently. I've watched how it has hurt them. It seems like only yesterday that I was in their shoes, but then again it seems like a lifetime ago. I remember those first several days after it happened and how all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry. And I did. It was a terrible time and I hope to never experience it again. For several nights I had vivid dreams about a baby boy. I could see every outline of his body, every wrinkle, ever strand of hair. I could smell his newborn scent. And then I'd wake up and hurt all over again.
I cried at least once a day for a month. Then in February when I found out I was pregnant again, I did everything I could not to get attached. I had a lot of cramping and I was certain that I was miscarrying again. It took me several weeks to let myself feel anything for the baby. I think once you're hurt you somehow distance yourself. Even after having three ultrasounds that confirmed things were progressing well, I couldn't bring myself to get too excited.
Then yesterday as I was lying on the u/s bed and we first realized the baby was a boy, I could have split in two from the happiness I felt. I don't know if I breathed during the whole procedure. I was terrified of the sonographer finding a problem. But item by item, she went down the checklist and everything shouted of a perfect baby.
I think that the painful dreams I had for so many nights about that baby boy were in fact the spirit's way of comforting me. At the time it seemed cruel, but I now know that the veil was thin and someone was trying to tell me "It's okay, everything is going to be fine..." Yesterday I had a full realization of it.
I know that in our times of heart ache that the Lord is with us. He knows our sorrows and He does what he can to comfort us. He lets us feel His spirit. And if we're patient, we'll eventually see that all things will be made right. I've seen this numerous times in my life and I need to remember it. My heart is full. Last night as I prayed I thanked the Lord profusely for allowing our family such a wonderful day. A lot can change for the better in six months.
6 comments:
Yay congrats on the little boy!! I am so excited for you and hope that both our boys will be good friend. Also I am sooo glad everything looked great in the u/s and he is healthy :)
I am so, so excited that you're having a little boy, and that he's healthy and active! What a relief for you guys! Congrats!
Everything you said makes perfect sense to me. I'm so glad that there is healing and that knowing that all happens for a reason brings great comfort. Thanks for sharing. I know what's it's like to feel that spirit and it's comfort and it's good to know that it stays with you and brings even more clarity to the things that happened 6 months ago. Congrats on your baby boy!!!
I am BEYOND happy for you Veronica! You deserve all the happiness in the world right now, and it looks like you've got it:)
I am so excited for you and what a wonderful blessing to have a healthy baby boy.
It's true that the Lord has a hand in everything-it's just so hard to remember that His plan isn't always our plan when we are in the midst of the trial. Isn't it wonderful that we can look back and see how we were guided and comforted?
Yea for your little boy! We are going to have one crazy street with all these litlle boys around here!!
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