Tuesday, November 11, 2008

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow

I talked to my dad for a while this afternoon. Somehow the conversation turned to the show "Annie", which is a show we both love. The words to the song came to mind as I've thought about the last 48 hours and what has taken place.

Yesterday as I drove home from the hospital sheets of icey rain poured from the sky. It was cold and gloomy which is exactly how I felt inside. Yesterday was the hardest day of our lives so far. When I woke up this morning I first thought it had been a bad dream. And then reality hit me and I again felt the cramping and I knew it had happened. I laid there for a long time and I cried and hurt.

I had cuddled with the kids in bed all night long and it was comforting to feel their sweet and warm bodies against mine. When Ethan woke up this morning he rolled over says to me in a groggy voice "Mom, Jesus took our baby back to live with Him, but it's okay. He is going to give us another baby soon." I hugged him so tightly and it's amazing how a his words filled me with comfort. It's strange, because we hadn't even talked about the loss with him. All Cody had said is that our baby would probably be born later than we had thought, and he left it at that.

But somehow, this morning Ethan knew the right thing to say to me to soothe my aching heart. My sweet and inspired little guy made the world a little brighter. Cody had to go back to work today, but the kids and I snuggled on the couch most of the morning before we took Ethan to school.

We experienced a devestating loss, but we still have so much to be thankful for. And with Thanksgiving only two weeks away, this has given me a newfound appreciation for all of the wonderful things in my life. It is still very hard and I don't know if I'll ever get over it. It's amazing how attached you can become to a 5 1/2 week old life. That baby will forever live in our hearts and we will always cherish that tiny but sweet time that we had. But like the song says, the sun will come out tomorrow. And it did.

4 comments:

Ev said...

You'll get past it, and life will return to normal. But you'll never forget that little life that was almost yours to keep. I still think about him everday. It'll hurt for a long time, but you'll learn to live with the ache. Then it becomes almost comforting, like he's still there in a way. I know I say my kids drive me nuts most of the time, but I couldn't live without them either. The hardest part for me was that I knew it was my last chance to give Dewey the son I know he's always wanted. Now we have bigger and badder plans for our family and ourselves individually. We're still planning on adopting a couple boys from the foster system...AFTER I'm finished with school, of course. It'll get better. I promise.

Julie said...

I love that movie and the song too.

No, you will never forget and yes, it will take some time before you can breathe and it does not hurt but it will happen. One day. Getting pregnant again helped me so very much. Alexandra was born one year and two weeks after I miscarried. Mathieu was born three years and three weeks after I miscarried. His birth helped me healed even more. And I know that if I am ever lucky enough to be pregnant and have another baby again, it will only get better. It feels like each child we add to our family helps close the wound.

You are in my thoughts.

Julie

Ute Family said...

It's amazing how close our little kids are to the spirit and we don't even realize it until they say something so intelligent and spiritual. You forget that they left the presence of God just a few short years ago. I'm glad Ethan was there for you with those sweet and true words of comfort. What an amazing kid you have!

Ash said...

Oh my gosh, that story about Ethan just is so sweet, I'm on the verge of bawling! I'm so sorry for your loss! I'm glad you have such a wonderful family to support you. Know that I'm here if you need me, too.

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