"I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life;
to put to rout all that was not life and not when I had come to die, discover that I had not lived." ~Henry David Thoreau

Monday, December 27, 2010

24 Weeks

Dear Baby Gad,

Don't worry kiddo, that's not your real name. But until we decide on something permanent, we call you that. Or "Gadianton" which is only funny to people who are members of our church. You'll understand the irony of that name one day. I call you Gad whenever I talk to you though.

You have been in my belly for almost six months now. If all goes as planned, we'll meet face to face in a little over three months. The time is flying by but at the same time it is dragging. And not because I don't like having you in my belly, quite the contrary actually. It's just that I long to hold you in my arms and nuzzle your little nose and smell your sweet baby smell. And I look forward to the closeness our family will experience with your birth. It's always such a sweet time for us when we add a member to our group.

I am getting big, there is no doubt about that. Since you are my fifth baby, my belly sure knows how to grow and stretch! It will be interesting to see how big you are. Big like your oldest brother, or maybe average like your second oldest brother. We'll see! I get comments a lot that I must be further along in my pregnancy than I think I am. Nope, right on track for 24 weeks, thank you! But this go around my body is more tired and things seem to be happening faster than they have with your brothers and sisters. My hips hurt a lot and my knees and calves are sore a lot of the time. My hands and fingers and feet and toes have started swelling too. I've also started having pretty intense Braxton Hicks contractions (those yucky things that get Mommy's body ready to bring a baby into the world) a lot lately. I told Doctor Mike about those last week and he was a little concerned because of their frequency, but he said to make sure I take it easy when they start coming on too regularly. As much as we all can't wait to meet you, we really don't want that day to come too soon. But let me tell you that chasing your brother Devin all day...well it might make you debut a little sooner than we'd like. He is a real handful and I have a feeling that having TWO boys back to back like that is going to give me a run for my money! Promise that you'll go easy on me when you are a toddler, okay?

You move and kick a lot. Hailey was the first person (other than me) to feel you moving around. On Christmas day she was sitting next to me on the couch and you started jumping and I grabbed her hand to my belly. She felt you moving and she was so excited! She said you felt like a boxer, and she is right! I think you are starting to recognize voices around you. You seem to move a lot whenever Daddy talks. Are you going to be a Daddy's boy like Devin? He kind of adores Daddy. I feel your kicks mainly on my right side and I think you are camped out there for sure. When you were 19 weeks old you were head side up. But I think you have moved because I feel the most movement in my ribs...meaning your legs and feet are there. I love to feel you move. It's my favorite part of the day as I lay down in bed and feel you wake up. I love that it is our special time when I have no distractions. I rub my hand all over my belly and chase you around. You are so real to me and I can already see that you have a personality.

I must tell you though, that I worry about you. Maybe you will understand that one day when you are a daddy and have babies of your own. I have some dear friends who had babies in their own bellies recently, but sad things happened and they won't get to meet their babies in this life. It breaks my heart to think about how painful it is for them. And I can't help but think about how I would feel if I ever found out that I'd have to wait another lifetime to meet you. I love you so much and I want to meet you in April. I don't want to wait. So I worry about something going wrong or about you getting wrapped up in your cord and maybe going to sleep for good. I've worried about that with your brothers and sister too, but I worry a little more about you. I think it's because you are my last baby and I will never have another baby in my tummy. I want so badly for things to go perfectly with you. I want you to be born happy and healthy and screaming with power in April. I want to hold you and stroke your teeny little head and breathe you in. How I love those first moments after my babies are born! And it's no different with you.

I remember when your oldest brother was born I thought to myself that I could never love another baby as much as I loved him. I was wrong. With each new baby, my love hasn't divided. It's multiplied. It's like I grow a new heart each time I find out a new baby is coming and now I have five extra hearts beating!! I already love you as much as I love your brothers and sisters. You are a one in a baziliion; a special and unique person.

Wel little guy, I should get to bed. Just wanted to tell you a little about what I'm feeling right now and tell you that I love you.

All my love,

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