My Voice Left Me

Today was our first day back in our ward after a four week hiatus. The month of July was terribly hard, but it is almost behind us. Being back among good friends was a strength today. I love my Primary presidency and I feel grateful to have such steadfast sisters by my side. I went to a meeting this morning and although my heart was not in it, it felt soothing to be in their presence.

I had a counsel with the bishop at the end of church and I left his office feeling uplifted. I have been worried that the mantel of my calling has left me, but he's certain it hasn't. That makes me feel hopeful.

As we sang the Sacrament hymn, I truly listened to the words. Never before has the Atonement meant so much to me. Never before have I had to rely on it so much. Never before have I had to trust the Savior like this. As I sang the words with the congregation, I had to stop to gain composure as my voice left me-

In humility, our Savior,
Grant thy Spirit here, we pray,
As we bless the bread and water
In thy name this holy day.
Let me not forget, O Savior,
Thou didst bleed and die for me
When thy heart was stilled and broken
On the cross at Calvary.

Fill our hearts with sweet forgiving;
Teach us tolerance and love.
Let our prayers find access to thee
In thy holy courts above.
Then, when we have proven worthy
Of thy sacrifice divine,
Lord, let us regain thy presence;
Let thy glory round us shine.

It hit me for the first time just how wonderous the Atonement is. I will never be able to repay what Christ did for me...and for my whole family. It's because of Him that we will live again with the brother we love so much. He did that for us. I wish I could put my grattitude into words. As they passed the bread and water I thumbed through the hymnal and this song hit me like a ton of bricks too. I've heard it and played it a million times, but again...now it has meaning to me.

There is a green hill far away,
Without a city wall,
Where the dear Lord was crucified,
Who died to save us all.

We may not know, we cannot tell,
What pains he had to bear,
But we believe it was for us
He hung and suffered there.

There was no other good enough
To pay the price of sin.
He only could unlock the gate
Of heav’n and let us in.

Oh, dearly, dearly has he loved!
And we must love him too,
And trust in his redeeming blood,
And try his works to do.

My heart is full.