It was a very hard day, but it was also one of the sweetest days of my life. I'd worked for days on a video of his life. How do you cram almost 27 years into 14 minutes and 35 seconds? Meticulously, that's how. Making that video was one of the hardest things I'd ever done. It was pure torture sitting in front of a computer looking at picture after picture. But the worst part was picking the music. Music gets me like nothing else can. It has a way of sparking feelings that normally lie deep down in my heart.
I finally came up with the perfect four songs to use and after it was all put together and the DVD burned, Mom, Cody, and I sat in the living room and watched it at 2:00 in the morning. How bittersweet. Mom and I sobbed like little babies and I could feel her pain...in a literal sense. I hope to never understand the feeling of losing a child. Losing a brother has been hard enough.
The funeral was closed casket for obvious reasons, so there was not a "viewing". But at 12:30 we did have a visitation time for everyone. We played the video and there was not a dry eye in the church house. It played on a loop so everyone could watch it was they came and went from the room.
When I first walked into the church I saw one of my favorite people. The Mo (Melissa). She and I had been inseparable best friends since Kindergarten. We grew up only three blocks apart from each other and almost every bit of those thirteen years were spent together. Her younger brother, Bobby, was one of Joseph's best friends. He was only a year younger than Joseph. Seeing their family was like a breath of fresh air. I haven't seen Mo in almost five years, and when I walked in, I ran to her, we hugged like we'd never let go, and cried together.
How great it was to have my old best friend with me that day. We sat there and watched the video and cried and laughed at the same time. Bobby, Joseph, Mo, and me spent countless days and nights together as a little quartet. And now Joseph was gone.
The Relief Society room began to get too packed for the visitation so it was moved into the Cultural Hall. As more and more people gathered, my sister came up to me and said "Scott is here". Scott is Joseph's good friend who had been driving that night. According to their boss, Scott had been ostracized from most of their fellow co-workers. Everyone blamed him for Joseph's death. I can't imagine the guts it took for him to show up that day. As I looked at his tear streaked face and I saw his petrified expression, my heart filled with nothing but compassion for him.
I walked over to him and introduced myself. I could tell he was scared of what I might say. I reached out and gave him a huge hug and told him it was okay. One by one all of the immediate family did the same. Before I walked into the Chapel, I told him that we all loved him because Joseph loved him. He had done nothing wrong and I bore testimony of the Lord's plan. This was how it was supposed to happen. But I felt sad that he had to be an instrument in Joseph's death.
For days I'd imagined what it would be like to see his casket. And then I'd block out the image because it seemed so wrong to think of it. About half way through the visitation, I forced myself to walk down to the chapel and peek inside. I'm very glad Cody was with me because I almost collapsed. Seeing that shiny silver box made it too real. My six foot, five inch baby brother was lying in there. How unfair!!! My heart felt like it would burst from my chest.
After a few minutes Cody left me alone and I sat on the front row, right in front of the casket, and sobbed so hard I thought I would die. I looked at the picture sitting on top of it and suddenly I was taken back to last summer. I had taken that picture of him. It was the day of Lilly's baptism and we all went over to Mom and Dad's for burgers and swimming afterward. Joseph had not yet changed from his dapper church attire and he wanted me to take some "hot" pictures of him for Facebook. We had a silly time as I did so.
I sat there and remembered that day with such clarity as if the events were being played on a screen. And now here he was, lifeless in a coffin. I grabbed the picture, hugged it to my chest and rocked back and forth on the seat, trembling. He couldn't really be gone. Some wonderful friends came in and sat with me as I cried. We all just cried together.
Anyone who knows the McCorkles knows that we are a family FULL of inside jokes and silly nicknames. Much of that stems from our dad. The funeral was not without inside jokes. There was a huge bowl of snickers bars sitting outside the chapel on the visitors table. There was also a sign instructing people to eat one in honor of the Bofe. Why snickers bars and why at a funeral? I'm sure most people didn't get it. Joseph was the most stubborn child when it came to potty training. I believe he was almost four years old before he would actually do his business in the toilet, but not before my mom finally figured out the perfect bribe. Snickers bars. So for over twenty years, Joseph was teased mercilessly about Snickers and poop. At many family functions somehow a Snickers bar would end up on Joseph's plate, in his bag, a Christmas stocking...you name it. It's been a joke in our family forever. So naturally we had to include Snickers in his farewell. He would have loved that.
Our immediate family was the last to enter the chapel for the actual service. We had been instructed by the funeral directors to wait in a "holding area" until all of the guests were seated. We were then led into the chapel and when we walked in, I don't think any of us could believe what we saw. Standing room only. Wall to wall of people, all the way back to the overflow. And everyone had turned out to honor Hose Bucket. Just seeing all of those faces made me want to break down. I'm not kidding when I say that everyone who knew Joseph just adored him. All of those people crammed into that room was a testament of that.
We all took our place on the front row. We started the service with "I Believe in Christ" because after all, isn't He the center of this thing called life? After the bishop gave a few remarks, the nieces and nephew got up and sang "Families Can Be Together Forever". What a sweet and tender spirit it brought into the room. Dad gave the eulogy. He's given a few eulogy's before, including his own mother's a few years before. But you never expect to give your baby boy's eulogy. It was one of the most incredible things I'd ever heard. I am so thankful to have such strong parents. They have always been full of the spirit and have been great teachers. My Dad especially is an incredible example to me. I know he has his eulogy typed out and one of these days I'd like to post it on here.
What got me the most is that at the very beginning he said "I want to make one thing clear. If I lose composure and get too choked up, it's not out of sheer sadness for Joseph, but more so because of gratitude to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ." What an amazing man.
After Dad gave his remarks, one by one each of the siblings got up and said something. I've never been to a funeral with so much laughter involved. You could say we roasted Joseph. His life was filled with silliness and fun. We all had nothing but funny memories of him and anecdotes of touching experiences with him. Leighann was not able to come home from her mission for the funeral and I was very sad about that, but I fully understand why now. It would have been far too hard for her to regain her focus once she was back in Washington. But she did write out a beautiful sentiment and Evelyn read it through tears.
Philip was the last one to speak. I sat next to him and felt his leg shaking through the whole service. He kept saying he didn't want to get up there, but he finally did and we all agreed that it was by far the best part of the day. For anyone who knows Philip, you know how hard people in general are for him. He doesn't mesh well with a lot of people because he's such a unique person. Joseph always acted as his buffer because he was so confidant and charismatic. But when Philip got up to the pulpit, he was a different person. There was a new confidence about him that we'd never seen before. It was as if the old Hazoor had passed the torch onto him. Philip gave the most touching yet funny account of Joseph. I'm so very glad that he had the courage to do so because it was an incredible tribute to our brother.
We sang "There Is Sunshine In My Soul Today" as the closing song and I don't think we could have picked a more appropriate song to sing. At the end of that service, even through the midst of tears, we all agreed that there truly was sunshine bursting through out the room.
I've never seen such a long procession of cars going to a graveside. The hearse was lead by police officers on motorcycles and the immediate family followed. As Cody drove, I looked back and it seemed that the stream of cars went on for miles. It went on and on and on! I could not get over the number of people who came to honor him. It was an amazing comfort to us to be surrounded by people who loved him so much.
The weather was hot, to say the least. It was about 105 plus humidity and I don't know how the guys survived in their suit coats. Michael, Matthew, Philip, Dewey, Cody, and Andrew were the pallbearers. It was the most surreal thing to watch our brothers and family carry the casket for one of our own. But even at the graveside we continued to laugh and keep the mood light. Dad had asked Cody to dedicate the grave and he gave the most beautiful blessing. I felt comforted knowing that the Lord was watching over his sweet body and tomb, much like he had done with Christ when he died.
the Bishop gave a few remarks, and then that was it.
Philip rode back with Cody, me, and the kids. I was astounded at the change in his attitude in that moment. It was like grief had left Philip and he was happy. I think it was partly because Joseph was there with us. As we were about to leave the cemetery, Philip told Cody to stop the car and he asked me for a pen and paper. He scribbled something down, jumped out the Suburban and went over to the casket. A minute later he came back with a huge smile on his face. He written Joseph a note and asked the funeral director to put it in the casket for him. I still don't know what it said, but it must have given him some sort of closure.
The ride back to the church was a happy one as Philip and I talked about our feelings of the day. Back at the church we gathered for a MUCH needed meal. The whole ward had brought in a potluck dinner and we were so glad for that. I was surprised that so many people came back for the dinner. It's true that our family is made up of so many extended members- people who aren't related by blood, but who we've adopted over the years. It was so healing to be there with everyone. At one point I asked someone with a smile across my face "Is it wrong to feel so much happiness right now?" He laughed and said he felt the same way. We all agree that there was an amazing spirit there. It's how Joseph would have wanted it.
We laughed, we talked, we cried, and then we headed back to Mom and Dad's for swimming and more food. Yeah, that's right. The party continued well after dark. I loved having so many loved ones around...both related by blood and related by love alone. What a great day. Bofie, I know you would have loved it.
Like I said, we were silly even at the graveside. Philip had to do the classic "Blue Steel" in honor of Joseph. I know Joseph was there was laughing hard!
