7 More Weeks

When we were packing up camp on Saturday I was flopped on the folded up tent as to squish air out of it. Cody started laughing and pointing and saying I looked like Shamu flopping on the beach. He is a dumb boy and doesn't know when to keep his mouth shut. But as you can tell from the above picture...he's right. My doc snapped this pic of me this morning at my appointment. He laughed at me too.

Everything is perfect and right on schedule for this baby. He's measuring big and I'm still not surprised. For the last few weeks he's decided to camp out in a semi breech/ diagonal position with his head in my right ribs and his feet and bottom in my left hip. That hip always hurts as a result. But he's such an active and healthy boy and I don't mind at all.

My BP has started going up which is a huge blessing. I think it's due to me walking quite a bit more, to and from the elementary school. Today is was 115/65 which is awesome for me. I've had way less fainting spells lately. We won't discuss my weight though. I'll just say that I'll easily surpass my final Lauren weight by the time this boy arrives. That's just wrong!

Today Mike and I talked about a possible delivery date. He's going to call me in two days to schedule it, but for now it's looking like it'll happen on October 13th (if he doesn't decide to come sooner than that!) I really hope to make it that far. Only five days before my due date sounds perfect to me.

Today Mike asked me how I was doing with the whole Joseph thing. It's been eight weeks today and he remembers well the day it happened because I had an appointment that afternoon with him. I was honest and said it's day to day and it's been really hard. Of course he started joking around to lighten the mood and he said "You know, Joseph and this baby are tearing it apart up there. They are probably scheming together or something."

I almost started crying when he said that because I believe with all my heart he is right. One of the main things that's given me comfort is the idea that my dear brother and my sweet unborn son are getting to know each other as we've been going through this trial. I feel that Joseph has taken him under his wing and that he's telling him about things and teaching him stuff he needs to know. Joseph absolutely adored his family, especially his nieces and one nephew. So I know he feels as strongly about this baby, maybe even more because he has the chance to know him as a spirit from an eternal standpoint.

I'm able to feel a bigger connection with Joseph through death because I know he is with my son right now. It makes me feel closer to him. Sometimes I talk to Joe during the day and give him "messages" to give my little boy, things I wish I could tell him right now. And every once in a while I can actually hear Joseph laugh in response to something funny I've said. Sometimes the veil is so thin. And for that reason, part of me doesn't want the baby to be born as soon as he will be. The thought of him leaving Joseph makes me sad because I feel I'll no longer have that special connection with him.

Gosh, this lump in my throat seems to be constant. It rarely goes away because there is always something around every corner to jog a memory. I miss him so much and want more than anything to be able to talk to him face to face. And in a way, I'm jealous of my unborn child for getting to do so.

But seven more weeks. Seven more weeks and I'll be holding that sweet baby in my arms and fighting the other kids to get to hold him.