It seems that I am one of the last true journalers.
As I read my friends and family's blogs I'm in awe that they keep things so positive. Sometimes it gets to me and makes me feel like there's something wrong with me because I seem to get consumed in the realness of life. And I write about it. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
Someone said to me a few months back that my blog is depressing. And another person said to me that they don't believe in writing about negative things. Well I agree that my blog can sometimes be depressing. But that's life. I write this blog strictly for my journal and I suppose I should put a disclaimer at the top that warns people that it's as real as it gets.
And why on earth would a person only write about the positive things in life? It's not only the positive things that make life worth living. It's all of the living experiences, both good and bad, that make us who we are. I want my children and posterity to read my journal one day and say "Wow, she was a REAL person who had real trials and she rose above them." Why be phony? When you think about it, how meaningful would the scriptures be if only the good things were recorded? Where would the lessons be?
Today has been one of those days that is as real as it gets. Life happened today and I found myself in a puddle of tears on the bathroom floor at the end of it. I sat there and sobbed and cleaned up a child's poop that had not made it into the toilet. The things that make us mothers. Ethan came in and saw me crying and he gave me a hug. It seemed to make things a little better, until the next thing happened. I yelled and screamed much more that I should have and I was ashamed of myself. But I feel like there is so much demand on me and no where near enough of me to go around.
So I cried.
Cody was at Scouts really late tonight and I was about to lose it. I went into the kitchen and pulled out the ingredients for chocolate chip cookies with out saying a word to the freshly bathed kids. As soon as they heard the buzz of the mixer they were drawn in like moths to a flame. So we made cookies together and I didn't care that they got dirty. They had fun and I saw it as a truce to our bad day. Nothing like warm butter and sugar to soothe the soul.
As I was moving a batch of cookies to the cooling rack, Ethan watched me and he said "Mom, you sure have a lot of jobs. You do a lot of stuff." Oh Ethan, if you only knew.
As I read my friends and family's blogs I'm in awe that they keep things so positive. Sometimes it gets to me and makes me feel like there's something wrong with me because I seem to get consumed in the realness of life. And I write about it. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
Someone said to me a few months back that my blog is depressing. And another person said to me that they don't believe in writing about negative things. Well I agree that my blog can sometimes be depressing. But that's life. I write this blog strictly for my journal and I suppose I should put a disclaimer at the top that warns people that it's as real as it gets.
And why on earth would a person only write about the positive things in life? It's not only the positive things that make life worth living. It's all of the living experiences, both good and bad, that make us who we are. I want my children and posterity to read my journal one day and say "Wow, she was a REAL person who had real trials and she rose above them." Why be phony? When you think about it, how meaningful would the scriptures be if only the good things were recorded? Where would the lessons be?
Today has been one of those days that is as real as it gets. Life happened today and I found myself in a puddle of tears on the bathroom floor at the end of it. I sat there and sobbed and cleaned up a child's poop that had not made it into the toilet. The things that make us mothers. Ethan came in and saw me crying and he gave me a hug. It seemed to make things a little better, until the next thing happened. I yelled and screamed much more that I should have and I was ashamed of myself. But I feel like there is so much demand on me and no where near enough of me to go around.
So I cried.
Cody was at Scouts really late tonight and I was about to lose it. I went into the kitchen and pulled out the ingredients for chocolate chip cookies with out saying a word to the freshly bathed kids. As soon as they heard the buzz of the mixer they were drawn in like moths to a flame. So we made cookies together and I didn't care that they got dirty. They had fun and I saw it as a truce to our bad day. Nothing like warm butter and sugar to soothe the soul.
As I was moving a batch of cookies to the cooling rack, Ethan watched me and he said "Mom, you sure have a lot of jobs. You do a lot of stuff." Oh Ethan, if you only knew.
5 comments:
I LOVE that you are so real on your blog. I think it's a good thing! I think sometimes people worry too much about looking like everything is going well, when really it sometimes helps people to know that others have struggles and trials too. That's what I'm finding with this whole motherhood thing... Love you!
Yeah, well not everyone lives in reality. I can name several off the top of my head. {YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!}
I love reading your blog. If people think it is too depressing, then they can move on to the next one. This one is yours and you get to write whatever you want in it.
I am sorry you had a bad day. I am having one of those today and I will blog about it too. There is nothing like writing it all down to let go of part of the frustration and anger.
Keep on writing because I will keep on reading.
Julie
I don't think it is depressing because it is life!!! I am like you and some days are up and some are down. This is a blog for you and my blog is for me and we dont' have to make anyone else happy but ourselves. Keep it real, sweetie!!
My favorite thing about your blog is that I can come here and feel YOU in the words. I can't remember the last time I saw you in person, but what and how you write makes me feel like I saw you just the other day. And I find comfort in the fact that someone out there isn't afraid to live a real life instead of one where they are fake happy all the time. You have the most amazing testimony and I feel the spirit every time I read your blog.
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