Lauren has been sick and so fussy, especially at night. The other night she wouldn't calm down for anything, and I was quickly reaching the end of my rope. As a last resort I took her for a drive. Normally she hates the car, but since nothing else had worked I gave it a shot. We ended up driving around for about 1 1/2 hours and she slept a huge chunk of that. I ended up in a place I haven't visited in 2 1/2 years. Our old apartment. It is about 20 minutes from where we live now and I'm rarely out that way anymore.
It's the place where Cody and I first lived when we got married. We were there for 3 years and 2 months. As I drove through our old neighborhood I was overcome with nostalgia. So much happened in that apartment. So much happiness, bliss, heartache, and devastation. That's where we spent many Saturday nights curled up in front of a good movie when we had nothing else to worry about. I remember our first Sunday in that ward. I hated it and came home in tears. I didn't think I would ever fit in or be liked and I felt so out of my element. The ward was full of elderly people and I couldn't relate. And I remember our last Sunday in that ward and I recall the utter sadness I felt at leaving those dear friends behind, 3 years later. I grew 2 babies there. That was Ethan's first home.
Gosh, so much happened there. It was there that I got 2 positive pregnancy tests confirming Hailey's anticipated arrival into this world. And it was there that I first experienced the unthinkable trials that went along with that pregnancy. I parked in my old parking stall and looked up at our apartment. I could tell by the way the light flickered inside that the ceiling fan must have been on. Someone else lived there. It wasn't my home anymore yet it still felt so familiar and safe. We had so much less to worry about back then. As my sweet baby slept in the back seat I drove up and down the old streets taking in the memories. We took countless walks along those sidewalks. Ethan's first summer was so carefree and almost every evening we would pack him in the stroller and go walking. We would look at all the houses and dream about the day that we would have a house of our own and a backyard for our kids to play in.
Now we have all that and it still feels foreign to me. As I thought back to that precious time in our lives it felt very bittersweet. We've grown up a lot since then...all in the 2 short years since we've been gone. I know that one day we will leave our current home behind and I wonder what it will be like to sometime drive back through these old streets and take in the memories. I wonder what will stand out most in my mind. I wonder what memories have yet to be made.
It's the place where Cody and I first lived when we got married. We were there for 3 years and 2 months. As I drove through our old neighborhood I was overcome with nostalgia. So much happened in that apartment. So much happiness, bliss, heartache, and devastation. That's where we spent many Saturday nights curled up in front of a good movie when we had nothing else to worry about. I remember our first Sunday in that ward. I hated it and came home in tears. I didn't think I would ever fit in or be liked and I felt so out of my element. The ward was full of elderly people and I couldn't relate. And I remember our last Sunday in that ward and I recall the utter sadness I felt at leaving those dear friends behind, 3 years later. I grew 2 babies there. That was Ethan's first home.
Gosh, so much happened there. It was there that I got 2 positive pregnancy tests confirming Hailey's anticipated arrival into this world. And it was there that I first experienced the unthinkable trials that went along with that pregnancy. I parked in my old parking stall and looked up at our apartment. I could tell by the way the light flickered inside that the ceiling fan must have been on. Someone else lived there. It wasn't my home anymore yet it still felt so familiar and safe. We had so much less to worry about back then. As my sweet baby slept in the back seat I drove up and down the old streets taking in the memories. We took countless walks along those sidewalks. Ethan's first summer was so carefree and almost every evening we would pack him in the stroller and go walking. We would look at all the houses and dream about the day that we would have a house of our own and a backyard for our kids to play in.
Now we have all that and it still feels foreign to me. As I thought back to that precious time in our lives it felt very bittersweet. We've grown up a lot since then...all in the 2 short years since we've been gone. I know that one day we will leave our current home behind and I wonder what it will be like to sometime drive back through these old streets and take in the memories. I wonder what will stand out most in my mind. I wonder what memories have yet to be made.
2 comments:
I remember that place! It is where Christian felt unfomfortable giving Ethan a bath casue he didnt want to touch his wee wee! haha!
I love doing that too. It's amazing how much you miss the places, not for the places but the memories. I can't believe we could ever miss our old trailer, but we miss the close neighbors and that time in our lives before kids when we could go out whenever we wanted. Tina loves driving by our old apartment and remembering that her "binkis were left there":) You know the old trick to get her to stop sucking on binkis...
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